Tuesday, November 28, 2006

From an email from a friend

Subject: a line from a new book I'm reading

Said to the character who had an abusive childhood when she decides to move back to her home town. I thought you might find this encouraging.

“You ask me, it takes more guts to go back to the beginning than just about anyplace else”

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Did they know?

So, did the band members of Pink Floyd know, when they accepted the record company's offer of releasing The Wall before the end of 1979 that they were making a deadline that would mean so much to a 7 year old little girl in America who had not heard of them before?

Did they know that the album would mean so much to that abused 7 year old?

Did anyone know that the song Mother would describe mine?
That Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 would describe my school life?
Did I know what it would mean to know that there were others out there like me?
Who had similar experiences as mine?

Does anyone know how I feel these days?
The desire to beat that bitch.
The bitch that turned me over,
and under,
and inside out.
All with a smile on her face.
and with bonds behind her back.
Bonds that stay with me to this day.
All that time ago.
That 7 year old little girl who just wanted to be accepted, cared for, loved
Which would be how the bitch got her hooks in.
Into the heart
and tore the place up.

How did the 7 year old little girl know the danger?
Who could the 7 year old little girl go to for help?
The parents who were abusing each other, who would come home drunk and need to be put to bed, separately, because they would fight ALL NIGHT if they weren't?
The teacher who regularly pointed out how the 7 year old little girl was different, wierd, slow, stupid, careless, clumsy, and just by breathing air was a nusence.
The school administration who knew about this teacher, who could hear her screaming at the kids all the way down the hall, and did nothing?
The social services that the 7 year old little girl didn't know existed?
The family of the little girl who felt she didn't deserve to be there, to be listened to, who felt that she just needed to go away because she was in the way, needy, because she was the daughter of the "black sheep" who married the "bad boy"?
The family who beat the little girl because she wouldn't sit still. the little girl who couldn't sit still because the world was a facinating place and she had to see everything.

Who do you trust when everyone you trust is abusing you?

You get to the point where I was/am/was/am/was/am:

Fuck them all because they will all fuck me anyway.
Don't give anything because it will all get broken.
Don't let anyone in because they will just trash the fucking place anyway and frankly, I just got the place looking nice after the last person trashed it, so...