Dad

Dad,
I want to start by telling you that I love you.

I wanted to talk to you tonight because I am concerned about you, mom and Christy. I have watched over the years how you have gotten worse with your drinking.

You are tearing yours, mine, mom’s and most importantly Christy’s lives apart with your drinking. You may not be aware of the damage you are doing when you drink. You most likely don’t remember the things you say or do when you drink, but dad, we do.

I do.

I remember nights not sleeping.
I remember angry yelling waking me up.
I remember blood on the wall and on the doorknob.
I remember screams in the night.
I remember ambulances and emergency rooms.

Do you?

I remember broken dishes
I remember broken promises.
I remember, all too well, beatings.

I know you remember yours from your own father.

You gave me a few too.

I also remember when I realized that my drinking was getting out of control.
Honesty time.
I remember realizing when my drinking had gotten out of control.
I remember my first day sober, and the second and the third.
Any many days after that.

I wish this for you.

I wanted to talk to you tonight about your drinking and how it is destroying everything that you hold dear.

Your wife

Your daughter

Your granddaughter

Yourself

I don’t know what memories you are running from when you drink.
I don’t know what feelings you are running from when you drink.
I do know that when I stopped running from them…

It was pretty miserable at first. I won’t lie. BUT, it was SO worth it. I wouldn’t trade sobriety for anything.

I will be honest. There are moments (and days sometimes) where I would really enjoy a bit of numb. I still have times where a shot of Vodka would taste really good.

But

Then, I ask myself, “but, would you want to go back to what you had before?”

Driving, singing, life and death

Driving up to see a friend
a friend who is dropping the robe

Driving up with a friend
a best friend, through thick and thin, life and death

Driving along, realizing that it is time
time too soon

now waiting to hear
to hear of the passing

waiting

and praying

for

peace, comfort, strength
for all of us
who are waiting
__________________________________________

Songs of death
Songs of life

Songs sung
Songs listened to

Songs sung to sing the spirit home
Songs listened to for comfort

Wishing for the language I am just learning
To be able to put words to what my heart is singing

Standing quietly
Waiting and listening
To the song being sung to her
As she sleeps
__________________________________________

Courage and cowardice
Flip sides of the same coin

Standing at the door
Waiting to be let in
A silent prayer

Let me be worthy
Worthy of this honor